Amazed!!

My sweet Holly had a beautiful baby girl today! Precious Naomi is 8lbs 3 oz 22 inches long! I am completely amazed at how strong my Holly is! She is just amazing!
I completely teared up...no I cried when I saw our friends holding their new child. They are parents and it is such an amazing blessing from God. I just cant explain what a beautiful gift babies are. Or how touched I am to be apart of this..apart of their lives!
You two are wonderful friends and I know you will be...NO you are amazing parents already!
God Bless you and your new and wonderful family!! We love you!

Questions

Soooo...The past few days I have been watching t.v.....talking with friends...reading news articles...and everywhere you look there is people in pain. Heartaches...death...overwhelming circumstances. Its everywhere! I begin to think if my friends...family..people I know are hurting this bad...who else is hurting right now? How many across the world? It hurts your brain!!!

When I think of these things..questions usually follow. Alot of the time its questions that I can answer..or questions which drive me to study and find answers. Some questions are so DUMB that I wonder why I cant just quit thinking about things sometimes.

Sooo....after I thought about all the pain and suffering in the world...it makes me wonder why an all knowing God would make this world. A question I am sure many have asked themselves. If God knows all.....Did he know Satan was to be? and did he know eve would eat from the tree and bring adam with her? If he knew....why create at all? Then is that where our free will comes into play? But at the same time...God knows what we are going to do right? Then how do we truly have free will at all?

See...this is where I stop and wonder why I think sooo much! I mean I grew up listening to sermons on all these things..and yet I still question. It makes me dig deeper..but you think I would quit it now. Like thinking about one person and what they are doing at the exact same time you are thinking about them??? That stuff keeps me up at night and drives me crazy!

Anyway...there is another one of my weird thoughts....I think my days are getting back to normal after all the things that went on the past few weeks. Thank you all for your prayers and support. We really appreciate all of you! Now I am off to see if I can sleep instead of think tonight!! lol

please pray

I have had an incredible last two days. There has been a situation on my side of the family that I would never have thought would have happened in a million years. I cant give details...but my heart breaks to watch my family go through things that I cant fix.

I don't even know where to turn...SCRATCH that...I do know where to turn...but have they all forgotten? And the family I grew up in..the loving christian home..that I thought I knew....is it gone?

I take on too much of everyone else's hurt and pain. I am emotionally exhausted.

I want to help all the time..and I know I cant. I know all things are in Gods hands. I forget it sometimes and try to do it myself.

Josh and I have soo much on our plate...with just our life ..our boys..financial things...new beginnings....job situations...and all these other situations with my family...I know everyone feels this way and has trials they go through and problems they face but I feel like super glue right now and I don't know if I can hold everything together.

I feel closer to God than I have in a long time...and is this crazy attack of EVERYTHING because of that? If it is.......then please pray for strength and wisdom on mine and Josh's part...because I don't see it ending anytime soon..and God if this is something we are meant to be witness to...to go through...then bring us together as a couple to march head on into whatever and wherever you need us to go.

I say that and I am crying my eyes out. How can I feel so strong..yet so frail at the same time. Why do I have this need to feel for other people.

I feel strange writing down everything I am thinking. It is a release in some way I guess. I am just stuck. I guess I am just asking for prayer. Something I don't like to do. I don't like to ask for anything. I can do it myself ya know :)

Please pray for my family. Please pray that Josh and I will have wisdom and have the right things to say to the right people..when and if necessary. I hope just us as an example of who we are can say more than words. Love.

Thanks for letting me write out my tears. I'm sorry to have been so real...

yeah...uh

I haven't blogged in a couple days and all I can say right now..well...is.... I LOVE BURRITOS AND MEXICAN FOOD! It is my favorite!! and I am eating a burrito right now..thinking to myself..I wish I had some HOTTER than hot salsa right now!! That's all I'm thinking about right now. :)

I have an amazing Husband!

OK some quick background on Josh and I....

We met when we were 13....at the roller skating rink!! He was crazy and could skate backwards and those overalls were just so stinkin hot! Love at first sight!

We hung out..."went out" until we were about sixteen...then he called me up and broke my heart!!! It was over!

Well....God had other plans. Cause just when I decide I am through with boys..that God and I need a truly deeper relationship.....Seriously..I told God..Just you and me!

Here comes Josh!!! He kept coming to my work and my house...even when my sisters answered the door and said..what are you doing here? You are still ugly and my dad still owns a gun! That didn't stop him he kept bringing me flowers and stickers and cards to my work..and I told him no..no..NO...and then finally yes.

Now we are seventeen and IN LOVE... :) We then got married when we were nineteen years old! We were such babies! Moved to nashvegas a year later...lived in some basement of some very nice lady we didn't know...with two other guys! THREE BOYS and me in a basement..yuck!....... until we got our own place...have both worked in crazy places..and through it all..we have always known God meant for us to be together. Meant for us to go places we have been and be where we are today.

We have been spoken over numerous times that God was going to use us as a couple for His work.....so many times in fact..that I quit wanting to go to churches when they were having a special speaker!

These past few years..I have to honestly admit Josh and I have felt a distance between God and us..which in turn put a strange distance between us...a hard to explain distance. I guess the only way to describe it..is God was behind us and not in the mist of us like he had been before.

Josh and I had an amazing conversation last night. We both came to one another with the same feeling in our hearts. We know God is moving and He is ready to MOVE us. We don't think that means literally up and moving..but we know us as a couple...God is preparing us to be MOVED.

The last time we heard this..God told us both on the same night that we were to move to Nashville. It was during a worship service..and at that time I was apart of the worship team and couldn't just quit singing and tell Josh what I was feeling....but when we were driving home that night I told him and he instantly FREAKED out..cause he felt the same thing during that worship service.

The conversation I had with Josh last night was just like that and an answer to a whole lot of prayer. I can see sooo many things opening up for him...for us. I love him so much. He is an amazing provider for our family. He has one of the most unique hearts. He is touched by people all around him all the time. He has taught me so much as we have grown up together. He used to tell me all the time.....As iron sharpens iron..so one man sharpens another. He said that is us...and he is right, he is my best friend, My stronghold, My husband and my babies daddy.

I am really excited to see where God takes us. I guess I just had to write about it ! :)

I couldn't sleep AGAIN!

So..once again I was up all night...not able to bring myself to sleep!
but last night it turned into a good thing...it turned into a prayer thing.
Do you ever think God wont allow for you to sleep.?
And maybe I havent been able to sleep all week because I needed some prayer time with Him?
And maybe last night He looked down and said ..."FINALLY!"

We have some awesome friends!!

So....When Josh and I moved back from Nashvegas...seems like forever ago, We really struggled with the fact that we never really connected with friends here in Spokane. Not even just having friends but connecting with some couples who were not afraid to speak into our lives and call us up and ask how we were doing..and how is your walk with God?

I guess God has been growing us up...but we still missed that connection. Being able to go over to someones house and chill for hours any day of the week and they didn't care and we just would hang out ...not doing anything really, ok I do miss kicking some serious guy BUTT at Halo!! But that's another story. :)
God has shown me over these last few years...that yes He hears me..and yes I will always miss my friends who are far away...but He has new and uncharted territories for Josh and I to walk through and people to meet along the way.
God heard me when I would cry at night...when my heart would break to see my girlfriends...to be connected with someone deep..like I was. It was never an easy thing for me to leave and come home....and God knew that..I just didnt think he did.

God thank you...for My Bethany. Thank you for her wonderful husband Dave. Thank you so much that you made a way for them to come up here earlier this year. She is so uplifting to me..such a blessing in my life. My heart misses her everyday..but you have made ways for us to see one another...and have given us ways in which we can talk with one another..and I cant thank you enough. I know we will see each other again very soon. She is such a sweet spirit and has always been able to help me when I am down or bring a smile to my face..or even come and see me when I lived in someones basement with three boys!! In the midle of nowhere and had no escape from rude boy noises and boy talk and boy stuff!! She was my escape!!! I love you sooo much Bethany!

I cant thank God enough for our wonderful neighbors!! Dave and Holly. Dave has been such a blessing to Josh. He has not had a friend like Dave...Since I don't know when. Josh really needed someone in his life ...maybe just to talk to or vent about me!! :) But God...you knew that too. He still misses the accountability he got with his good friend Tim from Nashville....he talks all the time about the lunch's they would meet up for and how Tim would call him out of the blue and just want to spend some time with him. I know God will fill that void in him. I know He hears Josh too.

My wonderful Holly has been just an overwhelming hug from God. I really didn't think we would get along as well as we do when I first met her. We are so different in so many ways...but so alike also. Its been ages since I had a friend who would be willing to study the Word with me..and I asked her the other day...since we have coffee in the mornings...like two or three times a week...what would you think about having one of those mornings be a devotion time with one another? She was so excited!! and so was I .....cause once again..God heard me. And he sometimes answers in his timing...like I would have loved to see Bethany a little sooner than the six years that had passed.... and I would have really loved to have met Holly when we moved back!!! But God has His timing for a reason.

There is another couple...Tim and Kristee...that my heart breaks to see again. I tear up writing this. But I know God will allow us to meet again. I love you Both so much. You guys don't even know what an influence you were in our lives. We were just babies in Nashville. God placed us in good hands....and you don't know how much Josh and I miss you both. We love you.

Thank you God for our friendships. Thank you so much for your way and your timing...even when we don't understand. Thank you to all of our friends..who have stuck it out with us through good times and bad. We love you all so much.

My Blessings

So I am here alone today with my Memphy. Ok so not alone..but without Josh and Bodhi around it is quite dull around here!!!
I am just in awe of my little man. He is now 9 months old and full of spunk! He is crawling and standing up and saying all sorts of words! Ma ma was his first!! :)
We have just been cuddling and hanging out and I have just been praising God that he has blessed me with such a beautiful gift....and Three times!!! I have Two awesome boys ...Bodhi and Memphis.....and an incredible husband....who in all reality would move mountains for me if he could.
I am working on opening my own salon above the garage in my back yard soooo I can be home with my boys and still work when Josh gets home. Its such a big project...MONTHS and months of work. Josh has done nothing but support me through it...and even dug a four foot deep ditch all the way around our house by hand! This project has torn us apart on nights and has brought us closer on others. I don't know alot of guys who would work ten hour days to come home and help their wives build something they are passionate about. I know Josh could care less about hair and makeup...but he knows I live for it......I just love him so much.

I guess I am feeling quite blessed today. Which is an overall incredible feeling. Wishing I would walk around everyday feeling this way...but sometimes life clouds that up doesn't it?

Ok...sooo Memphis found me in the puter room..crawled all the way over here...smiled and then full over and bonked his head!!! He is so cute when he cries! Isn't that awful!!

I try to write my boys letters every once in awhile and tell them what they are doing at this age and what me and their Dad are doing..and whats going on in the world..How much we love them and then put them in the back of their baby books..so someday they can read them. I think this is one of those days for writing a few of those letters.

I have been chewing on this verse all week..and I will probably chew on it longer..cause I cant remember verses for the life of me..I have tried all my life!! (If anyone has any tricks let me know) But I know how to read..so I have been reading this over and over ..... Have a blessed day!!

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-8

I have to step it up.

I think I need to be more of who I know God wants me to be. Even saying that makes no sense to me right now. And....God ...what do you want me to be???
What do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go?
I'm in a mental storm right now and don't know what to do about it.

The Year Was 1960

Ok Miss B .....

This one is for you! :)

I had to do it! Plus the fact that I cannot sleep at all tonight.

A fun way to kill time.

I look like a school teacher...... oh behave!!!

Can you edit someones life?

So I am in front of my computer again for most of the day today. I am editing photos that I took for a wedding. (Its a little side hobby).
The more photos I edit...not just these ones..but like so many I have done before..I start to really look at the faces ...into the faces and wonder.
All eyes have a story in them and today in the pictures I am doing..this is supposed to be an incredibly happy day....and I am seeing a lot of hurt and sadness. Some fake smiles and family that I can tell really don't want to be there..putting on their best faces for the day.

I think we all play the fake card. We just don't have pictures that catch and still our emotions on a daily basis. And are life situations and not getting along with one another ..really that important that we hold on to it so tightly and it becomes bitterness and radiates out of us...so that it is now visible to everyone around us?

My grandfather passed away a couple of months ago..and I was having a very hard time with some issues that had just popped up out of nowhere. He came out and told us he was gay. I have alot of gay friends and family that are gay. I love them all. They are all wonderful people...but I could not bring myself to love my grandpa the way I look at these other people. He was a hardened man..never had a nice thing to say about anybody and that was really hard to be around..or want my boys to be around. Anyway....God had really been working in my heart..with alot of prayer, and alot of searching within myself. I knew eventually I should talk with my grandpa..if not for him...for me..to heal myself and have peace.

My grandpa passed away without me ever saying I loved him or telling him of Gods love. I have torn myself up for too long over this and God has shown me lessons I needed to learn... Wisdom in teaching my boys...and Love.

I really hope I can remember to let go of my bitterness and hatred...when I or someone I know is wronged. I don't want to have a look apon my face of hardness..and I don't want to be the cause of someone elses. I don't want to look at my family photos and see these things...or in any photos of any friends I have ever met along the way and see such emotion in their eyes and know I may have caused that. I know you cant make everyone happy..or help everyone..but I now know that I can change who I am and how I approach people and maybe I can edit my life.......who knows it could edit someone elses too. :)

Its Gloomy Out!

Ok...Sooo its really Gloomy out today! But that doesn't mean that I have to be right??? I had coffee this morning with an awesome friend and devotions with an even bigger friend! :) I realized that the more I read my Bible the more...um... I guess questions I come up with. The more my mind has doubts and then the more I try to answer my own thoughts. Is this weird??
Anyway...I was reading and in Jeremiah God asks him to speak and he goes and speaks of destruction and so on...do you think he ever let his human nature get in the way? Like did he ever get up on a soap box and over elaborate what God asked him to say...you know..how sometimes we catch a fish and its sooo big...but when we tell the story..its THIS big!!!
I don't know if I am making sense...but I think of weird things when I read and sometimes it drives me nuts! Does everyone have these thoughts when they read the bible? Or am I the only one who picks and searches and finds reasons to doubt and then reasons to prove myself wrong.
I guess I am struggling with the whole human nature thing. I have been asking God to use me and my talents/gifts he has given me and to use them where HE wants me to...but I find myself sometimes getting all puffed up ..all full of myself. Then I look in the mirror and really inside I feel with all I can do..I can only do these things half-way. I haven't been given a talent I am good at all the way. And then..if I get puffed up sometimes..don't you think people God spoke to may have gotten that way too?? And did they ever walk around like..yeah God speaks to me and not you..haha! Or where they that good at walking and talking with God that they never had those feelings?? And if soo..How do I come to that place??
Ahhh ...sometimes my mind is too full...maybe this blog stuff will be a good release for that!
Anyway...thats my weird thoughts this morning. Oh yeah!! The sun is shining now!! How nice! :)