I have to step it up.

I think I need to be more of who I know God wants me to be. Even saying that makes no sense to me right now. And....God ...what do you want me to be???
What do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go?
I'm in a mental storm right now and don't know what to do about it.

The Year Was 1960

Ok Miss B .....

This one is for you! :)

I had to do it! Plus the fact that I cannot sleep at all tonight.

A fun way to kill time.

I look like a school teacher...... oh behave!!!

Can you edit someones life?

So I am in front of my computer again for most of the day today. I am editing photos that I took for a wedding. (Its a little side hobby).
The more photos I edit...not just these ones..but like so many I have done before..I start to really look at the faces ...into the faces and wonder.
All eyes have a story in them and today in the pictures I am doing..this is supposed to be an incredibly happy day....and I am seeing a lot of hurt and sadness. Some fake smiles and family that I can tell really don't want to be there..putting on their best faces for the day.

I think we all play the fake card. We just don't have pictures that catch and still our emotions on a daily basis. And are life situations and not getting along with one another ..really that important that we hold on to it so tightly and it becomes bitterness and radiates out of us...so that it is now visible to everyone around us?

My grandfather passed away a couple of months ago..and I was having a very hard time with some issues that had just popped up out of nowhere. He came out and told us he was gay. I have alot of gay friends and family that are gay. I love them all. They are all wonderful people...but I could not bring myself to love my grandpa the way I look at these other people. He was a hardened man..never had a nice thing to say about anybody and that was really hard to be around..or want my boys to be around. Anyway....God had really been working in my heart..with alot of prayer, and alot of searching within myself. I knew eventually I should talk with my grandpa..if not for him...for me..to heal myself and have peace.

My grandpa passed away without me ever saying I loved him or telling him of Gods love. I have torn myself up for too long over this and God has shown me lessons I needed to learn... Wisdom in teaching my boys...and Love.

I really hope I can remember to let go of my bitterness and hatred...when I or someone I know is wronged. I don't want to have a look apon my face of hardness..and I don't want to be the cause of someone elses. I don't want to look at my family photos and see these things...or in any photos of any friends I have ever met along the way and see such emotion in their eyes and know I may have caused that. I know you cant make everyone happy..or help everyone..but I now know that I can change who I am and how I approach people and maybe I can edit my life.......who knows it could edit someone elses too. :)

Its Gloomy Out!

Ok...Sooo its really Gloomy out today! But that doesn't mean that I have to be right??? I had coffee this morning with an awesome friend and devotions with an even bigger friend! :) I realized that the more I read my Bible the more...um... I guess questions I come up with. The more my mind has doubts and then the more I try to answer my own thoughts. Is this weird??
Anyway...I was reading and in Jeremiah God asks him to speak and he goes and speaks of destruction and so on...do you think he ever let his human nature get in the way? Like did he ever get up on a soap box and over elaborate what God asked him to say...you know..how sometimes we catch a fish and its sooo big...but when we tell the story..its THIS big!!!
I don't know if I am making sense...but I think of weird things when I read and sometimes it drives me nuts! Does everyone have these thoughts when they read the bible? Or am I the only one who picks and searches and finds reasons to doubt and then reasons to prove myself wrong.
I guess I am struggling with the whole human nature thing. I have been asking God to use me and my talents/gifts he has given me and to use them where HE wants me to...but I find myself sometimes getting all puffed up ..all full of myself. Then I look in the mirror and really inside I feel with all I can do..I can only do these things half-way. I haven't been given a talent I am good at all the way. And then..if I get puffed up sometimes..don't you think people God spoke to may have gotten that way too?? And did they ever walk around like..yeah God speaks to me and not you..haha! Or where they that good at walking and talking with God that they never had those feelings?? And if soo..How do I come to that place??
Ahhh ...sometimes my mind is too full...maybe this blog stuff will be a good release for that!
Anyway...thats my weird thoughts this morning. Oh yeah!! The sun is shining now!! How nice! :)